A Farewell to little E

I realize the title kind of gives it all away. And there is probably so many other things I could write about. Yet, I cannot and feel I must write my Little E a mermoir. So forgive me for being redundant and using this as part of my mourning process. For those of you new to my blog, little E was a baby girl whom I had the priveledge of caring for a few months. (Feel free to check out the following blog about our life together, God’s interruptions). I had just been here for about 2/3 months when we begun having an influx of babies. Therefore, I volunteered to help out and a week or so later, Little E arrived.

She was and continues to be a little drama queen. It took us a couple of weeks to get to know each other and get into rhythm. Whenever she wanted to touch something, she would do it with the back of her hand, not her palm. She even knocked with the back of her hand! Her hands seemed so small yet she was quite expressive with them soI loved watching her hand gestures. She was quite the talker, even as a baby. Some mornings she’d wake up before me and start talking. I could not move a muscle because as soon as she would hear me, she’d start crying so that I would pick her up. It took her a while to walk, but she would love to push the stroller from the back. She had a mind of her own, and was quite stubborn sometimes. Even as a baby I started noticing she had an adventerous personality. I kept thinking she will keep our hearts on our sleeves when she starts walking and being more independent. Although she could be daring and adventerous she would let out her anxiety with her nervous laugh. It was too cute! Obviously I am biased, but her laugh will forever remain in my heart.

It was later in my life that I became a little obssesed with accessories, so I thought it too cute that at her young age(a little over a year old) she liked wearing hats, bows, and oh my word! shoes!! In that sense, she was a girl after my own heart. LOL! I would not hesitate to say that bows and shoes where among her first words to speak. She had a little trouble with her eyes. Thankfully, we were able to find out what was wrong and were relieved to learn it was not something that would interfere in her development. We did begin giving her some therapy and she got glasses to help her eyes focus. After she begun wearing her glasses she begun walking more confidently.

Most every morning, during the week, her caregivers would drop by to visit me. So she quickly learned that I was usually in the office or at my apartment. So she would point and say my name when she begun to talk more. I was very flattered that she learned to say my name and that she could recognize my voice. Loved hearing her call me out or turn looking for me when she’d hear my voice. Every now and then, if we had not seen each other in a while, she would make such a big fuss when she’d see me. Basically scream and run towards me. Now, who can resist that?! Have I mentioned she was a screamer? I believe it comes with the drama 😀

One of my favorite memories, is when one of her caregivers begun teaching her the names of the body. Like eyes, nose, hands, etc. She was at that stage in which they repeat the words you say. So they came into the office, as was usual, then I picked her up, hugged her and then pinched her cheek and said “oh these cheeks!” Lo and behold, without any delay, she pinches my cheek and says “cheek”. I definitely did not expect that! Loved kissing those cheeks! I shall dearly miss her.

In God’s sovereignty, I was not at the Ranch when her family came to pick her up. After hearing of how it went, I’m glad for both our sakes that I was not present. It breaks my heart to think of her unprotected or not cared and loved as she should. Lately, I’ve been pondering about how God has given each one of us a particular personality, talents, tastes, and ways of being and how as we grow up, we can start to hide certain characteristics that are not as popular or as valued in our society. Not including characteristics that are sinful, just things that makes us us. For example, little E’s dramatic personality or her being so girly. That was something that distinguished her a little more than other babies, and so I began worrying that she might not be as accepted and loved for those things that made her, her.

This train of thought, then led me to think about how in my own life, traits that I had as a child were somehow discouraged that it was until I was an adult that I began to rediscover who I was. Some may think I may be a little too open-minded as I now start to raise my kids, but I do not want to hinder the talents, personalities, and passions (obviously those that are not against God’s word). Instead, encourage those differences that make them who they are.  Actually, I may push them more to try new things and venture out more. As I look back in my life, I may have missed so much fun and opportunities to experience God’s adventurous side because I was too shy or fearful to make a fool of myself. So grateful for friendships that God brought into my life and used to bring out the little adventurer He had made me to be.

There are things out of our control…well, I’d say we have no control over ANYTHING! Yet when we must bid farewell to some of the kids, one can feel very impotent. You don’t know what awaits them and you have no assurance you will ever get to see them again. It feels worst when you get a feeling it might not be the best for them. I am aware that I am biased, and I hope I am wrong. Therefore, we constantly must remind ourselves that though we think we know what’s best, God does know. And even if we are not there to protect, care, and love them, God is.  As I remind myself of this truth, I can pray and remember all those who have gone, Little E included, and can now rest in Christ, knowing He loves them more and will care for them. Please pray for the staff here at the Ranch, that we would not shrink back from loving and giving of ourselves to these children to avoid the pain and heartbreak of having to bid farewell. Instead that we would have the Father’s love for these children, and that we would be diligent in sharing our lives with them so that they may see the transforming power of God. And when the day comes to bid farewell, that our eyes be set on Christ, who sees all and knows all and who is not limited by time and space. He will accomplish what He set out to do, and He will protect, care, and finish the beautiful work He begun in each of these children, even my little E wherever she is.