Caring and learning to be cared for

As I mentioned in my previous post, after being discharged from the hospital we stopped at the pharmacy to get some medication. I had become nauseas and vomited. Thankfully, I was able to make the 45 minute trip back home with only one more incident. Grateful that God gave me the sense to stop drinking water, which I found later was probably what caused the nausea. My kids were waiting for me and were quick to send me to bed to rest. I was moved by their care. The first week, as I was bed ridden, they were constantly telling me not to get up or do anything. The first night, my daughter slept with me and my son slept on a coach in my room. They had been taking me my meals to bed and they’d bring theirs too and would eat with me. The second morning, as my daughter put on my bandage, a feeling came over me. As she left, tears began to fall. Here I was invalid for a few days, and it was hard for my ego to accept the help I needed.

It reminded me of my mom. She was so active and did everything for her family. I would call her our Energizer bunny because she’d never stop. I once asked her, how she did it, and her reply was, “when it has to be done, you do it”. As simple as that, it was to her. As many mothers, she never complained and was ever so patient with me. Wish I could say the same about me when it was my turn to care for her, but to my shame I was not always as willing and as loving as she was. So seeing my daughter care for me, regret was stirred in my heart. I begun thinking about how I owed it all to my mom. She had done so much for me. Yet here I was, I’ve yet to do much for my sweet daughter and here she was already caring for me. When my mom passed away, I had my share of regrets. I think many of us who lose loved ones, tend to have a share of regrets. Whether we failed to tell them we loved them, or feel like we did not do our best to help or care for them. And though many will say, “well we’re not perfect”, that is of no help.

What did help, was what my spiritual mom told me. In a nutshell, the most important thing was that those thoughts were not from God. Satan is the accuser, God may bring conviction but along with that He restores us. The feelings of regret, were just accusing me of what I did wrong and could have done better. Yet, I could confess to God my selfishness and lack of love in those days I could have done better and find forgiveness and restoration in Him. I can no longer express these thoughts and feelings to my mother, which brings me to the second thing I was told. My mother knew I loved her. And I knew that was true. Even to this day, I remember the love in her eyes as she looked at me while I helped her get to bed the night that would be her last in this life. So days like today, that I am reminded of my regrets, I also have to be reminded of the truths. Love covers multitude of sins. My mom’s love overlooked my sins, and the love of Christ covers, takes away, all our sins through His sacrifice on the cross. There is no greater love than this.

I have only gotten glimpses of having to depend on others, and how easily we can loose our independence. It is okay to depend on others, and there are times we will need to. Even in this, we learn to humble ourselves and depend on God as we depend on others. I have heard many who hesitate asking God for humility, but I once heard a preacher say how God does not tell us to ask for humility but tells us to humble ourselves. It is something we must learn to do, and it boils down to our pride, in my opinion. How willing are you of letting go of your pride? Love teaches us to put others before us, that is humbling ourselves. We may feel the urge to smack sense into others, but love teaches to bear one another. When I ponder about this I am always reminded of this scripture:

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, ² complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. ³ Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. ⁴ Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ⁵ Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,⁷ but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Philippians 2:1-8

What a great example we have in Christ. Not only that, but when we surrender our lives to Christ we have the Holy Spirit to empower us to do as He did. It is not in our own strength we are able to humble ourselves and depend on God alone, it takes His Spirit in us to transform us from the inside out. I’m sorry if I was all over the place, but I hope you are encouraged to humble yourself by allowing the truth of God’s Word enlighten your mind to surrender any regrets, shame, and pride that has not allowed you to love and be restored.

My recovery has gone very well. I’m grateful to God that I did not have any pain through it all. I’m not good at describing or feeling for that matter, how my body reacts. But the first few days, I did not feel like myself. I did stay mostly in bed or sitting with my feet up. My back begun hurting because of lying so much, so I made it a point to sit with my legs up most of the day instead. That helped and I was able to sleep well through the night. As the days passed I begun feeling better. My kids have continued to help around the house but I have begun doing a couple things too. On my follow up appointment, the doctor said it was healing well. The second week I was told to increase my activity as my body would allow and then the third week to start incorporating my normal routines.

I am not as patient at being still, so my daughter took my work laptop to me but even then I was not able to do much on it. So I’d come to the office for an hour or so to get the urgent stuff done. At first my kids would give me disapproving eyes, but when they saw I did not stay long they relaxed about it a bit. I’m grateful I am so close to the office, so with baby steps I’d make it okay. I am feeling more mobile now and my bruises have almost gone and the incisions are pretty much healed as well. I began driving this week, so God willing, I am practically back to normal. Thank you for you continued prayers and for your encouragement, my friends. May you continue to experience God’s favor and grace as you live out the life God has blessed you with.