“It now springs forth”

If you recall from the post, Emptiness then Life , there was one dream I had left which I decided to surrender and seek God’s dreams for me. That dream/desire had become a goal about eight years ago. It was the first mother’s day after my mom passed away. That day I made up my mind that I would adopt as a single if I had not married by 40. So when I felt my dreams/goals for my life were not God’s dreams for me, I decided to give my goal of adopting children to him. Lo and behold, a couple of months after turning 40 God orchestrated it so that I would adopt two children. I doubt I would have had much success in accomplishing it all on my own and in my own way. I’ve come to learn, that is so the way God does things sometimes. He brings us to the end of us, and once we give Him the reins He brings it all about in a way we never imagined.

I was not looking to adopt, to be honest. When I began living hear at the Ranch, I noticed that maybe God was calling me to be like a mother-figure to all the kids here. After all, He did give me a heart and love for them as such. In a way, by not adopting, I could see how I could do more. I still believe God has called me to be here and care for the children here, but now with children of my own.

So how did it get from that to actually becoming a mother. It kind of began last year. But in order to give you a better view I need to back track. A few months after making the decision to adopt in the future, whether married or not, while I was praying, I got this sense that God was telling to pray for my kids. To intercede for them, and I felt as if they were already alive and somewhere. So I did, trusting His lead. With time I forgot about this experience. That is until one day last summer.

Last spring, a teenage girl, her brother and I began forming a bond. It was so sweet to have them come by the office and just sit with me while I worked. One summer day, she came in and sat on the floor next to me. It was not unusual for she would do that sometimes. After acknowledging her arrival, I kept working and would occasionally interact with her. A few minutes later she began sharing her life story with me. When she finished, I told her that I was so glad that God had and has been caring for her and that He brought her here to us. We hugged and as we were hugging I had a flashback of that prayer time eight years ago.

I had not thought of that for years! We had recently found out that her and her brother were free to be adopted. Since she was already 16, there was a small window for her to get adopted. We had begun praying for that and thinking of families who might be interested. Having had both a mother and a father, and knowing that that is God’s plan for families, I longed for them to have that. I could tell that the young boy wanted a father so bad that it made me hesitate to even consider adopting them because I could not give him that. Yet after my daughter shared her story and I remembered that prayer, I began wondering if these were in fact my children. It took me a few weeks, to finally decide to pursue the adoption and see if this was God’s plan for us.

When making life decisions sometimes we wish God would clearly tell us exactly what to do and what the future holds for us. In my life experience, it has not been that way. Yet, God has continually been faithful to lead and give the assurances I really need when I actually need them. It can be very overwhelming, but as I’ve come to know my Heavenly Father I’ve found that He will lead us, and not just that but also in a way that we will know it is Him leading. We all have ways we understand better, and it is so amazing how He knows how to speak to each of his children. It is not generic at all. Isn’t that marvelous! How loving of Him to lead us in a way that is particularly designed for each of us. Therefore, do not be overwhelmed when making a life decision. As long as you are truly seeking Him, He will show you the way you need to go.

I begun the adoption process step by step and with open hands. There were times the thought of it scared the daylights out of me, but I was determined not to let fear stop me from doing what God was probably calling me to. As I mentioned in my previous post, I had various discussions with different people for which I am so grateful. All those conversations helped me process what this life change was about to bring. At every step of the way, God kept moving things forward and giving me faith to continue. Finally, in November, it all began to take shape. My adoption request had to be presented to the State council before we could even tell the kids. I told few people of this, so please don’t take offense if this is the first you’re hearing about it. It wasn’t until February that my case was finally presented. Two weeks later I found out that by God’s grace it was approved. I was both thrilled and terrified. I was not sure how the kids would take the news and whether they would want me.

There were times I felt they could sense something was going on, specially my daughter. She is very observant. They were both so surprised when they found out. As you can rightly conclude, they did accept and we began preparing our home for their move-in day. My son, got over the shock pretty quick. He could have moved in that same day he found out. My daughter on the other hand, takes her time to adapt. So she wisely suggested we hold off till our home was ready for them to move in. After a few days, she got on board, and I could tell she was also excited about starting this new life together. Two weeks later, I was given custody and am now in what is officially called pre-adoption. We still have a few more steps to go through in order for it to be officially done, but we are now living as a family.

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My life as a single has come to an end, but this new beginning God has sprung forth may prove to be one of my greatest life adventures. I can now see the full completion of the Word given to me of the new thing God was doing and has now sprung forth. I never would I have thought God would bring this about in the way He has. As I look back and think of the hard things both my kids and I have had to go through and, how in God’s way and time He brought us to this moment, I am in awe of Him. Friends, nothing is wasted in His hands. And though He may ask you to give up those desires/dreams you hold so dear, you may be surprised how He may make those dreams a reality in an amazing way. I may not know what is in store for us, but I do know the God who keeps the galaxies going does, and He will see us through.