Mourning

We often hear about living like it was our last day, like if living in a broken sin-full (couldn’t help a play on words) world is the best there is. I am so grateful that it is not. The truth that there is an eternity and a life that will truly be how it was really meant to be is such an encouragement. This truth, comforts when saints close the chapter in this life and we no longer have them with us. But it also awakens us to let loose of things that are insignificant in light of eternity. As I ironically shared on my previous post, we often have to face death. Whether it be a loved one who has passed away or we are dying to certain things/people we hold dear. When we do, we always go through a mourning phase.

Now you’re probably thinking why I’m saying it was ironic that I spoke on death. There was no physical death, but there was a separation that I among those here at the Ranch have had to go through. Who would have thought that days after writing about death, I’d go through a mourning….again. Not to prolong the suspense, I’ll share what I am now mourning over. About a couple of weeks ago, we had to bid farewell to four siblings, two of which, I had grown quite close to. How I wish I could say they were going to a good family, but it is not the case, at least not for the near future. As part of protocol they were taken in order to be returned to the state they are from. In other words they were moved to another shelter/orphanage in the state from which their family is from. So far we don’t know if there is any family and if so, if they will be taken in by them.

When I got the news, I couldn’t believe it. Somehow I had imagine that I’d get to see them grow up. In just 7 months, these kids had become so dear to me. I realize I may sound like broken record when I go on about God’s sovereignty always becoming evident as life unfolds. But if you pay close at attention you will see His invisible hand at work.

Work had been keeping me busy, so it had been a while since I had actually prepared any meals. So due to other circumstances, I really felt the need to make some food. I remember as I was cooking during my lunch time, thinking to myself what had possessed me to cook when I should be at my desk trying to get as much work done. Little did I know that I once I got to the office, I’d get the call about these kids.

We don’t get much warning, so they were to leave the following day. For the last few weeks they had been asking to come over to my place for dinner and because I had no time I kept postponing. So as it hit me that it was my last chance, I was ever so grateful to God for pushing me to make a meal. Now I had the food ready and all I needed was to invite the two older siblings. They were 6 and 5 year old. They were so excited to join me for dinner, not knowing anything yet because it had been decided it would be best to wait until the morning. We had a great time. They were so cute, they both wanted to sit by me, so we ended up sitting all on one side of the table. I kept them as long as I could that evening, I even tried to teach them a board game. I just wanted to soak in all these last moments. As well as to tell them last words that you can only hope will help them cope with whatever is ahead.

But how can you prepare them in just a couple of hours? I think the biggest effect this experience has given me is to be intentional. Make sure you keep your promises, give them the time they need even if you’re house is a mess, show them you love them, and share words of encouragement and knowledge. And pray fervently. After being with the girls that night, I went over to the apartment where the other two siblings lived. Their “mom” was struggling with what was about to happen. We hugged, and I probably only felt a fraction of what she must have been feeling. She had lived 24/7 with these two toddlers for almost two years. We prayed and cried together that night.

The days after they left, it was hard to get up in the morning. I was still very busy at work, so I really did not have time to think or feel. But by the second day, I realized I was depressed. That’s when it hit me, I was mourning my girls. It is tough thinking this will probably be the norm. Seeing kids leave. Sometimes it will be bitter sweet, because they will be going to a family, which is what we would love for each one, and other times, like this one, it will be just bitter.

In both cases, it will hurt. As I was trying to encourage my heart through this, I came across a short message by Cody Archer in which he encourages us to embrace the sorrow as well. As I meditated on that, it helped me realize that instead of shying away from pain we are to embrace it. Some would think that because the kids might leave it is better to be at arms length and not bond as much with them. Yet, I felt this is what we are called to. To love them, to give ourselves entirely to caring for them and investing in them. Not because we will gain anything in return, but because we are called to follow in our Savior’s steps. And boy, did He give it all for us.

I don’t think I have ever come as close to understand what Paul shared with the Philippians until now. Part of knowing Christ more is to also share in His sufferings. And have you noticed how we tend to avoid any suffering? Yet, this is also what we are called to. I am beginning to see clearer and though some may think that as you grow in your understanding you feel greater, so far, it has had the opposite affect on me. The more I understand, the more I realize my great need of Christ and the more glorious His love shines.

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— ¹⁰ that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. ” Philippians 3:7-11

In closing, we all go through mourning and it is part of walking out the sufferings laid out before us. You may choose to fight it, evade it, or ignore it. I would encourage you to embrace it and allow Jesus in to comfort you and walk alongside you. I would also want to encourage you not to withhold anything for fear of losing it. Jesus said it well, those who save their life will loose it and those who loose their life will find it. (Mt.16:25)

If you’d like to listen to message I mentioned by Cody Archer here is the link: